Our roadways are not exactly in the best shape. Take a look around when you’re tearing ass down the Interstate. It’s a mosaic of cheeseburger wrappers and malt liquor bottles. Who can we task with cleaning things up?


Well, thank God a couple of groups have stepped up to accept the challenge…


The KKK wants your roadways clear….no, not from blacks and Jews, but from litter.

A mile-long stretch of highway in Georgia on Route 515 is being requested for adoption by the International Keystone Knights of the Ku Klux Klan. The usually level-headed and practical group is facing some obstacles in their path to total planetary cleanliness, however.


The Klan applied for the same program in Missouri in 2000. Numerous court battles were fought, but eventually the group won out, after it was deemed unconstitutional to deny an applicant solely based on different opinions. So now, south of St. Louis, on Interstate 55, you can cruise the roadway with the peace of mind that only comes from knowing pro-whites are cleaning up, just for you.

“Well hello to you too, fellow highway travellers! OH THAT’S A KLAN SALUTE….”

Harley Hanson is the fella who is organizing the application for the highway adoption, and he seems to be befuddled by all the backlash this is causing. “We just want to clean up the doggone road”, he states, fully aware that his title in the KKK is “EXALTED CYCLOPS”. “We’re not going to be out there in robes.” Which comes as a relief, sure, but isn’t there going to be some confusion when motorists spot clean up crews on that stretch of road in Georgia, should the application be granted? How will people know which people believe they are a superior race, with a rich history of cross burnings and church bombings, and which people are simply imprisoned murderers, out on work detail?

And if these fuckers can’t lead the charge against unclean roads, it’s time to call in the big boys. Or small boys…..it’s NAMBLA.



Because if the act of loving young kids in an improper way rubs you wrong, what better way to clean up their image than by scooping up cigarette butts off the asphalt?


Other noble groups that have thrown their hats into the ring?


The Minnesota chapter of Dave Matthews fans:








So, we wonder, just HOW easy is it to adopt a highway? Well, as long as you agree to clean 2 miles worth of highway, it doesn’t cost shit. And you don’t even have to clean it yourself, you can contract someone to do it for you.