Getting Through Your Work Day: Some Useful Tips


by Justin Crockett

Some of us have jobs that make us only see murder. The tedium of the day is crushing. You think you could look up at the clock and a few hours have passed, but in reality there is no clock, and you have three hard dicks slapping you in the forehead. That’s the kind of workday that is endless. You could go poop again, you guess, but your legs always fall asleep and you end up walking around with red elbows.

Thankfully, I’ve compiled a list of ways to make your day at your cubicle/office/snakepit pass just a little quicker:

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An Apology to Star Wars


by Justin Crockett

I want to love you. God help me, I do.

I don’t hate science fiction/fantasy/early Harrison Ford. I swear I don’t. I find Ford quite lovely in Apocalypse Now, even in his brief role. He has the “I just got back from something tennis-related” face of a rich girl’s dad, and for that I find him very appealing.

I don’t hate richly-built universes with tons of iconic characters. Game of Thrones, the Indiana Jones series, the first Jaws(Amity is a very underrated and well-drawn community), the countless video game worlds that I spent my youth poring over. I’m so into a cultivated fictional existence where you picture things going on even if you aren’t reading or watching it.

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Call for Contributors!

by Justin Crockett

I don’t have a big site. I can’t pay people for things that they create. But I do have a small circle of people that read and appreciate what I do, be it family, friends, or acquaintances I’ve made from contributing to Cracked and other sites. 

I also don’t have a solid format here, for better or for worse. I just like reading good things that people write or make and sharing them with other weird people. Maybe you have something that just doesn’t fit on other sites. 

So be it a fictional story, factual article, photography, any and all forms of writing I would love to receive and unleash upon an unsuspecting public. You will receive all credit along with links to your own personal sites, as well as lots of plugging on social media from my end. 

Email me with any ideas to and let’s make people uncomfortable together. 

How to Really See SeaWorld

Three of the orcas demonstrate a trick near the end of the show. This trick is actually meant to show how killer whales can jump on on ice edges to catch their prey.

by Brittney D. Herz

Of all the recent web-introduced issues (the confederate flag, gay marriage, confederate war generals’ memorials, minimum wage, and of course, Cecil) I, for some reason, can’t wrap my head around the traumatic images of the marine life that have leaked from SeaWorld’s vault of shame. Or what I at least was led to believe was from their vault of shame.

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TimTom’s Closet: 7/30/2015 2015-07-02 13-57-23

by Tim Thompson

I do….

…not care about gay marriage. Well, at least not in the way that you think I should. Do I believe that everyone everywhere should have the right to get married? Of course!  Does this at all change the course of my life plans? Not even a tiny little bit.  I know that I should probably be marching in some parade waving my little rainbow flag and denouncing Baptist people everywhere for disagreeing with my point of view. Well, for one I am technically a Baptist so there is a conflict of interest, and two, the rainbow flag looks just horrible against my skin tone.

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Timtom’s Closet: 7/2/2015 2015-07-02 13-57-23

by Tim Thompson


I think that most ‘‘activists’’ become such for one reason: to be on television.

Some idiot girl climbs a flagpole, she could have been seriously hurt by the way, to take a flag down and, all of a sudden, it’s like a new hero was born. People in the south cancelled dates with their cousins to talk about things like “oh man the south is in our blood” and “don’t tread on me” and so on. I think even Sarah Palin said something. And of course, there are no shortages of television cameras on hand to capture all these noble creatures.

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Surprising Video Game Origins

by Justin Crockett


If you were a child of the Nintendo age, you no doubt have fond memories of the times: seeing the unmistakable shape of an NES game wrapped up under the tree, going to the movie rental stores that had video games and being able to rent two at a time(damn you for losing the instruction manual!), and enjoying a game that had focus and purpose that didn’t require 60 hours to complete. It was a simpler time, which required the developers of these games to really invest some thought into their characters. Here are some of the more unique origins of your childhood heroes.

Donkey Kong Was a Popeye Game

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Meet Shigeru Miyamoto, perhaps the most important video game designer in history. His credits include the Mario games, the Zelda series, Metroid Prime, and uh, Ham Ham Heartbreak. 


The most Japanese thing, ever. 

So Miyamoto was a big deal. But not so much, back in 1981. Continue reading

80’s Movie Character Groups Who Sucked at Their Jobs

by Justin Crockett


The 1980’s were a time of blatant suspension of disbelief for moviegoers. It just seemed that we could accept anything as a premise in regard to films. A robot that came to life from a lightning strike and wanted to hang out with Ally Sheedy? Alright. A group of kids that sit in detention for a FULL DAY WITH NO SUPERVISION? And end up hanging out with Ally Sheedy? Yeah, ok.

But upon further analysis, it seems that the reason a lot of 80’s movie plots move forward is due to gross negligence on the parts of very specific character groups.

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