Bizarre Pranks Pulled at Famous Landmarks

by Justin Crockett

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Have you ever driven by a stop sign and seen where a jokester wrote something witty under the word “stop”? Or gone to the library and someone has replaced all the books with dicks? They’re classic pranks, and you’d love to read more about it if you were able to check out a book on the subject instead of leafing through piles of male genitalia.

Some creative people have taken these antics and ramped them up to insane levels by pulling pranks at some of the most high-profile landmarks throughout the world. And their legacy will assuredly live on in this article which a couple hundred people will read. I’d say that’s a win for the jesters of the world.

 

L.A. Man Keeps Fiddling with the “Hollywood” Sign


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When California became more lenient on pot laws in 1976, one man took to the mountainside where the iconic “Hollywood” sign is located, and strategically hung special curtains around a few letters to make it say “Hollyweed”. And this wasn’t the last time he would pull this shit: he made it say “Holywood” for Easter the next year, and “Ollywood” about a decade later, to protest Oliver North’s involvement in the Iran-Contra scandal.

His work even continued into the 90’s when he hung plastic sheeting to make the letters say “Oil War”.

 

KFC at Area 51

 

 

Kentucky Fried Chicken had a novel approach to slinging fried chicken: they decided to organize 65,000 tiles of red, black, white, and gray into a massive portrait of their corporate logo. One they claimed could be seen from space, and has been seen on Google Earth. And of all places, they did it in the desert, right near the Area 51 complex.

 

 

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Here is the construction of the giant, likely-slave-owning-at-some-point Colonel Sanders:

 

 

 

 

Nude Model Beamed Onto Parliament

 

The men’s magazine FHM was working on a poll of the 100 sexiest women in the world. While Julianna Moore was not present on said list, they did decided that a former children’s show actress would fit on it. One way they decided to promote it was to beam her naked backside of one of the most recognizable buildings in history: London’s House of Parliament. They could have let her know about it, however.

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Two German Artists Are Obsessed With the Brooklyn Bridge

 

 

A twosome of artists out of Germany have an fixation with the Brooklyn Bridge. First, in 2007, they fastened balloons to some of the cables that rise off the bridge, high in the air. Then, for the 145th anniversary of the death of the German architect who designed the bridge, the duo climbed up the massive stone towers of the Bridge, where only maintenance workers and police have access, removed the massive American flags which fly there, and replaced them with stark white flags that they created.

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“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA” – Deutscheland

Presumably, thousands of Germans laughed hysterically at these shenanigans, while Americans shrugged, resigned to never understanding the Germanic sense of humor.

 

 

 

Times Square in Reverse


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A comedy-prank troupe based out of New York called Improv Everywhere, corralled more than 2,000 people, and instructed them to begin walking backwards simultaneously in the middle of Times Square. The resulting video is shown here:

 

 

 

Note this fella:

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Who is confident that he woke up in an alternate dimension where people now just go the other way when walking, and sneeze out of their toes, and cry from their anuses.

 

 

 

Banksy……Everywhere

 

Reclusive “urban artist” Banksy has shown up clandestinely at numerous landmarks and altered the sites to protest all kinds of things. He showed up in Palestine and created paintings on the border with Israel, even receiving warning shots from soldiers nearby. The pieces depicted a paradise-type life on the other side:

 

 

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Banksy also snuck a fake artifact into the British Museum. The fake cave painting depicted a man pushing a supermarket pushcart. It sat on the wall at a major art museum for three days before anyone noticed it was fabricated bullshit, and was promptly taken down:


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“Here we see early man, going down aisle 5 for some garbanzo-HEYWAITAMINUTE.”

 

Disneyland was another target, as he placed a replica of a Guantanamo Bay inmate off to the side of a popular railroad ride. It sat there, clad in prison orange and a hood, for 90 minutes before the ride was shut down and the effigy removed.

 

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Appears Gitmo detainees just really love choo-choo trains.

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Insane “As Seen on TV” Products Unleashed Upon the Human Race

by Justin Crockett

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When you remember Billy Mays and his beard, and Ron Popeil and his apron(??), your mind conjurs up feelings of goofy-but-probably-somewhat-useful products. But then, sometimes, the universe unleashes a shart of such proportion that the sun devours itself and were are left alone in the darkness. These products were devised by an elite team of supervillains and robots who don’t yet understand humans.

 

The Boyfriend Body Pillow

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For $30, you can have a replica of your lover’s disembodied torso half, complete with business shirt and protruding arm for spooning. Perhaps somewhere, in another woman’s apartment is the other half of this philandering pillowey son of a bitch.

 

“Happy Hot Dog Man” Hot Dog Nightmare Set

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For the “wanting to flay and decorate a penis” enthusiast, “Happy Hot Dog Man” set enables you to slice a boring old regular hot dog into a replica of a person. With the unsettlingly-dildo-shaped cutting tool, you can make a whole frankfurter family and then devour them and their children!

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Michael Myers’ Rejuvenate Mask

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The Rejuvenique Electric Facial Mask not only repels normalcy, but also shoots pulses of electricity(via 9 volt battery) into your face while you(presumably) masturbate furiously. Users describe the facial workout as akin to sit-ups for your face, so there’s that.

 

The Back-Up Bedside Gun Rack

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The Back-Up Bedside Shotgun Rack(we could just end the sentence there) not only offers a toddler-level swinging toy, but also peace of mind from the danger of intruders. The $40 rack slides under your mattress and gives you easy access to reach down and destroy freedom-haters.

 

Wonder Sauna Hot Pants

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The 1970s nominee for “JESUS CHRIST!” the “Wonder Sauna Hot Pants” promised to slenderize your body wherever you desired. The inflatable front-balloon-ass was presumably filled with warm water, which then sloshed around while hugging your nether regions, creating a genitalish mist.

Also available in “short”, if you want to show a little more upper knee:

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GoPilot Portable Female Urinal

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This $35 contraption enables functioning women to piss anywhere and everywhere, and does not at all resemble an oxygen mask that you place on your face and mouth.

 

TaJazzle Sex Crystals

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Weirdly unexplained 3-step system involving Swarovski crystals for making your sex smell and taste the best it can be. The cryptic infomercial also features some of the most bizarre and other-dimensionally bad acting.

 

Doc Bottom’s Aspray All-Over Deodorant

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The first ever(!!!) men’s all-body deodorant, Doc Bottom’s Aspray is perfect for spraying your manstink areas. The odors are neutralized before they can even start. It’s made by a former roofing contractor, so you know it’s good.

 

Under-Ease Fart Pants

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For around $30, you can attach a plastic-y garbage bag to your ass to catch all of your noxious fumes. These special smell-catching underwear even have removable filters, so that they can be the best at being bombarded by your unholy stank.

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iPhone Evolution

Evolution of the iPhone, as shown on Gizmodo:

http://gizmodo.com/watch-the-evolution-of-the-iphone-in-a-single-gif-1637000350

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Our Allegiance to Our Sports Teams is Becoming Dangerous

by Justin Crockett

 

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In the spiral of shit that this week has become regarding the NFL, Ray Rice, domestic violence discussions, and cover-up after cover-up, one thing is becoming very clear:

Our blind allegiance to our sports teams and players is becoming a dangerous thing.

In light of today’s story that the NFL indeed had the full video of Ray Rice face-fucking his fiancee with his fist with cartoonish power and speed, there are tons of questions that need to be addressed in order to restore some kind of faith in humanity.

If you haven’t been on Earth recently, here’s a recap of how the news broke, and how the news quickly shit its own pants: Ray Rice and his wife-to-be were leaving a casino, got into an elevator where something happened during the ride that made her be unconscious at its destination. That’s how the story began. The footage that accompanied the story just showed her crumpled body and Ray Rice standing there like “ehhhh what the heck?”.

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The aftermath has been viewed countless times. Ray and the missus played nice at a press conference, he apologized, got a little baby suspension that didn’t even come close to what another player got for smoking weed. So, people hated Rice a little bit, got it out of their systems, and went on with their lives. Ravens fans were torn, but accepting. What they had an issue with is that no one really knew what happened in the elevator, we just saw the end result.

Then this week, the full video came out.

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Yes that is an honest to goodness haymaker. Most people had a general idea that’s what occurred, but to actually see it was raw and unsettling. Even more unsettling was the general public not readily willing to admit what most likely happened before we saw it. This isn’t near the first instance of violence towards women by anyone, forget a sports star. So why is everyone leaping onto this story like it’s not an unfortunately-common thing that women have to deal with? And why has the NFL taken clearly-calculated steps to hide the fact that, yes, they DID have this footage seven months ago, and just crossed their fingers that it would never become public?

It seems to me, a fairly enthusiastic sports fan, that the league of course wants to protect its image. That’s not shocking. But seeing the sides that were drawn during this ordeal on social media and articles around the internet, the fans themselves clearly believe that sports teams and players belong to them in some way. The blind devotion even in the face of contradictory facts, and even the hatred that mostly prevailed(and rightly so) afterwards are the extremes that are becoming more and more common in the face of sports scandals and fiascos. Everything is so much bigger and more extravagant in these stories, that it’s making us a little meat-headed when it comes to real-life things in our real-life lives.

Do you think for one second that your neighbor would receive anywhere near the same emotions that Rice had spewed at him? Do you honestly believe that you would petition your neighborhood alliance, and take to Facebook and Twitter, and email the footage to all of your friends, and call for people’s jobs to be permanently revoked from them, if your friend Jerry had slapped his wife around a little? Why does the assailant being famous mean that we get to, or have to, care more? Why do athletes who get hit on their bodies every day for a living get put to a higher standard? And why the fuck do they keep hitting people on their days off?? Why do their wives post messages days after worldwide release of the videos, defending their husbands?

And why does the league continue to sweep these issues under the rug? If you continue to breed or allow a criminal culture, you can’t be shocked when it starts to bite you in the dick.

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So….Tony Soprano is Alive?

by Justin Crockett

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So, news is coming out today that the creator of the beloved Sopranos series has basically admitted that, no, Tony Soprano didn’t die in that diner all those years ago.

In an interview with Vox, show creator David Chase was asked if Tony was dead. To which he replied, “No. No, he isn’t.” Why Chase would reveal that information after years of being asked the same question is purely speculative. If somehow you’re just being born, or have been disassembled a decade ago and just recently reassembled, here is that final scene from the show:

 

Lots of things going on in that final few minutes. You’ve got onion rings, the most historic parallel-parking abortion ever captured on film, and a diner full of people who got dressed in 1984 and just woke up. A suspicious man walks by Tony on the way to the potty, and then it cuts to black. Viewers were outraged, you know the whole story by now.

My question is, why does David Chase feel he needs to explain himself? Even with the death of James Gandolfini, why do these questions have to be answered? There is a trust that exists between us, the audience, and the people that work to put the work of art into the population. If that trust exists, why can’t the final scene of a great show just exist on its own? The creator of the art has no obligation to appease the masses. Why does it matter if Tony Soprano lives or dies at the end? It’s ok for something to be a mystery sometimes. It builds buzz. It gives the art a life of its own and assures its timelessness and future relevance.

The only thing I can imagine, is that with the unexpected death of Gandolfini, David Chase was kind of giving him an homage, saying that while the man isn’t here with us anymore, he does live on.

 

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The Year in Badass Music: 1986

by Justin Crockett

 

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1986 was a strange year for music. While pop and rock music were still doing as well as they always do, and the synth-happy sheen of New Wave music was still gracing every John Hughes movie, an unlikely genre was beginning to sell out stadiums worldwide: thrash metal. No less than three monumental classics in the history of heavy metal came out in ’86: Metallica with “Master of Puppets”, Megadeth with “Peace Sells….But Who’s Buying”, and Slayer with “Reign in Blood”. Slayer sucks, but that’s not the point of this. Some people like them. 

 

This fury of heavy music boiling over that year is important to note. For better or for worse, by 1986, heavy music was in a weird stage in its evolution. Black Sabbath was in the wilderness after a decade of crushing music, Led Zeppelin was gone for good, even the hurricane of punk music had largely passed. When the super-pop of Madonna and Michael Jackson took over the early 80’s, most hard rock was relegated to small clubs and low album sales. When people got exhausted of all the cheese-pop that was going on, and thrash arrived, making it ok to for people to bang their heads, that then paved the way for pop and heavy metal to bump uglies and give birth to an even bigger musical genre…..hair metal.

So, yes, what I’m saying is if this never happened:

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We would have(for better of for worse) never gotten this:

 

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That’s not to say the only good albums that were dropped in 1986 were of the heavy variety. Here are a few more releases that only cemented this year’s status as a strange and vital one.

 

Peter Gabriel, “So”

 

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When Peter Gabriel left Genesis in 1975 because he stopped loving us and wanted to be a jerkhead, prog rock fans were downtrodden. That is, until he proceeded to unleash 4 self-titled solo albums that promised that he hadn’t lost his flair for the batshit. Then the age of the music video arrived, and we were able to show him off to the mainstream, though he did end up dropping some of his more bizarre antics to do so. And the album “So” was built for that. Besides the two absolute smashes of “Big Time” and “Sledgehammer”, you also had an all-time chick flick anthem that made every guy think he could pull off a Cusack(they couldn’t). And the cinematic “Red Rain” that starts off the album never loses its goosebumpy beauty.

One thing that isn’t mentioned much about this album is the quality of the playing. It’s slightly overproduced nature almost takes away from the musicianship that is on display. Tony Levin is completely killing it on bass as usual. Police drummer Stewart Copeland shows up a few times. Did you know that fucking Chic guitarsmith Nile Rodgers plays on a song? Now you do.

 

Miles Davis, “Tutu”

 

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It didn’t do well, commercially or critically. It’s not even in the top ten of his albums. But it’s important. It’s important because in this decade of glossy, artificially created rhythms and beats and melodies, Miles was able to take some of those well-intended ideas and meld them into his own style of improvised and melodic jazz-funk. Plus, it has this motherfucker on it, Marcus Miller:

 

 

 

R.E.M., “Lifes Rich Pageant”/Sonic Youth, “EVOL”

 

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I never loved R.E.M. Sonic Youth, same with them. I can find songs in both groups’ discographies that I like, but I won’t seek either out. So why would I include these albums as some of the best of that year?

Simple, because they are albums on small labels, that are consistent throughout, and that were promoted and sold the true way: by going out and playing an obscene amount of shows, spreading through word-of-mouth, and not being some manufactured article that a record company slapped together and built up an obscene amount of hype for, without the band proving themselves first. These two bands, like them or not, are the classic examples of a few guys(or gals) forming a band, creating a following through hard work, and getting lucky enough to be signed and make music, and be allowed to make the music they want by the label.

So, like these two groups or not, the same truth is truth, be it 1986, or today.

 

 

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All the Best Stephen King Movies Don’t Follow the Books

by Carolyn Burke

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It’s true. For all the shouting about book accuracy in these films, all the best offerings hack away at the source material like a gleeful little butcher.

 

Take for example ‘It’, obviously certain parts of this are a gimme, underage orgies should never be seen as acceptable movie material. But this movie changed around the entire ending too.

Remember the scene where Mother Nature in the form of a giant space vomiting turtle taught the kids how to defeat everyone’s ultimate worst nightmare? Oh, you don’t remember the turtle? That’s because they cut that shit. It was silly.

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Then of course there is ‘The Mist’, which also cut out a sex scene wherein the hero of the film cheats on his wife (who may or may not have been dead at the time). This movie also tinkered with the ending quite controversially by obliterating every reasonably intelligent character in the entire film. And it was brilliant. So brilliant in fact, Stephen King himself freaking loved it. The next time you hear someone complain about the book accuracy on this one you are welcome to use this for your argument.

 

King doesn’t always love the re-imaginings of his films, of course. There is always the infamous ‘The Shining’ grudge that prompted the awful remake inexplicably starring a ‘Wings’ headliner.

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That film once again cuts down some of the sex (between Jack and Wendy) and strays so far away from the source material’s ending it may as well be on another planet. In book form Jack and the hotel blow up, and everyone else survives. How scary is a scary movie that only kills off the villain? Zero. Zero scary. The liberties taken in the film gave an ambiguously confusing ending that hinted at the idea these events are constantly happening to the caretakers of the Overlook Hotel and they always will be. Plus, the movie was damn scary.

 

If you disagree with all of this you can look to ‘Bag of Bones’, which may have destroyed an adorable little toddler character by making her a socially awkward 9 year old, but they tried to stay as close as they possibly could to everything else. They didn’t cut much, even when good sense would tell you something desperately needed to be cut, for example:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOFVUPuun2M

James Bond just got bitch slapped by a tree.

 

That…should have been cut. If you take anything from this it should be that Stephen King needs to rethink his sex scenes and endings. And also…spoilers.

 

Carolyn is a Twitterest. Follow her or die alone.

 

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